Something is wrong with me. I feel so un-excited about things nowadays. It's like I haven't recovered from ADEX/BA and there is a distance between me and the rest of the world. Or even worse, like there is an invisible barrier around my heart and mind and the things that are happening are not getting to me.
I just feel like taking a few days off, go to a nice resort all by myself, and spend all day and night reading, lazing around, and order room service. I'm sure I won't die of loneliness.
What's bothering me most is that I'm feeling this huge reluctancy to do things related to church. I'm fine with outings and all that; it's the responsibilities part I'm having trouble with. The worst is that I can't get myself to pray to Him. Not in corporate prayer, nor group or personal. I feel so distant to the extent that I'm reading a novel every night when I read my customary chapter for the day.
Today was Amy's last day at TMX. I hate separation, but it always comes around.
Work is piling up again.
This job has really shown me my many weaknesses. For the lack of better words, it has been a humbling experience.
I just finished reading Mercy by Jodi Picoult. Her books are controversial and this one talks about euthanasia, or mercy killing. As the story unfolds, I get the feeling that the story is not about mercy killing, but more on mercy itself. Or to make the difference clearer, forgiveness. In the book, the 2 main characters, husband and wife, are not the ones in the mercy killing, though they are very involved. The wife loves the husband more - 70/30. The husband is first attracted, then falls in love with the wife's new assistant.
I have this tendency of getting too involved with the books I read. I sometimes forget they are fiction and start to judge the things they do as if I were reading of it from a newspaper. As I read the book, I kept shaking my head in disapproval at the choices the husband made, and the things that were going through his head. What I most disliked was how he comforted himself at the end when the mistress left and he decided to stay with his wife.
But, I just love how the wife gathered all his possessions and sold them in a garage sale after she found out.
Then my mind started wondering. if my husband ever has an affair with another woman, and worse, falls for her, will I forgive him and continue ours lives like before knowing well that he loves somebody else?
